So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
