I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
