i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
