I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pappa wants mamma naked
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
