You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
