Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
