Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
