dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
