I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
