is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
