we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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