can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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