Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
time to smoke my breakfast
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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