He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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