her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's rum buckets o'clock
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm always down for nudity.
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