Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
