Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
