Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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