he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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