I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
