I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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