Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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