What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize