We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
