If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
