im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
