he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
