God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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