Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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