I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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