Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
