i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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