he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
