So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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