I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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