you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
