i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
