Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
