I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
