My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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