Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
