Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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