idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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