dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
