Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
