I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
