i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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