If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
