his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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