What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
