3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
