I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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