I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
