like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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