What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
