we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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