so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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