I'm gonna have a badass scar
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
