So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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