Me too!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This house was built for laser tag.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
