im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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