I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
