The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
