i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
