singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im holly from the hills drunk
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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