she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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