this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
