areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
