I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude i'm inner monologue high
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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