i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
