there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
