i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
