I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
