She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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