carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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