I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
