I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize