TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
