Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
