Life is so much better after having sex.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
