For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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