This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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