i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize