i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
