just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
