I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
