Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
