I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
