hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
