know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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