We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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