Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize