I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
