she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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