I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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