he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
