Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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