Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
