i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
