come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
